Don't let me don't let me don't let me be lonely

Quote 1: "Succeed, after all, loves an audience, but failure can't exist without one." 

My failure became an undeniable fact as a pair of tender eyes turns into the the kind of indifference you see on a gray screen TV, as they witnessed my downfall. He is cool, he is detached, emotionless and he balances the paradoxical relationship between "I don't care" and "But I care to see you FUCK UP".  I am the opposite of cool. I failed to detach, from anything. I failed to not take things personally. I failed to fracture, to alienate, to sprout my own unusual idea. I failed to speak a sentence without starting it with "I am", which is the key phrase of the hegemonic capitalist literature. I dissolve into the cliche universality of deleting phone number, burning photographs, unsubscribe from YouTube channel yet still stalk the cool one on Facebook. 

Quote 2: 

"Define Loneliness? 

Yes. 

It's what we can't do for each other.

What do we mean to each other? 

What does a life mean? 

Why are we here if not for each other?" -- "Don't Let Me Be Lonely" Claudia Rankine

It's what we can't do for each other. It's different from alone. It's not being without company. It's being among a lot of people but still lonely, because there is someone we can't do anything for, can't do anything about. Can't understand if we try. Can't wish to understand. Can't "be here" for anymore. Why are we here if not for each other? We won't "be" here if not for the other. What if we can't be here for the other anymore? That means to them we won't "be" anymore, to them we're the equivalent to dead. We will be lonely. Lonely is inevitable, like death. Lonely is is part of life, like death. We will be lonely. Don't let me be lonely. I hope you won't let me be lonely. Hope is also inevitable. I hope by simply living. I live for the hope that we won't be lonely. 

Quote 3: "[Forgiveness] is simply a death, a dying down in the heart, the position of the already dead. It is in the end the living through, the understanding that this has happened, is happening, happens. Period. It is a feeling of nothingness that cannot be communicated to another; an absence, a bottomless vacancy held by the living, beyond all that is hated or loved."

Leave the space blank and come into terms with a vacancy left permanently unfilled. Erase, do not refill. Pray, do not beg. Express, do not explain. 

Hello After a Month's Hiatus

I did the blog as a project of a class I took last semester. I thought I'd drop it once I hand it in, but a friend told me that she was very intrigued by what I wrote. So I thought even there is one other person out there who takes pleasure reading my blog, it gives me a reason to continue with it. 

The other day a friend introduced me to quantum physics which invoked some very interesting thoughts. I couldn't grasp everything he said but I'm going to try my best to explain: if "I" am in a quantum state--I'm moving extremely fast, that is, faster than the speed of light-- and observing "you", I might not be seeing "you" as how "you" really are. What I'm looking at is an afterimage, due to the amount of time that light takes to reach my eyes. Every time I stop moving--that is, moving slower than the speed of light, it takes the light a different amount of time to catch up, therefore different afterimages are created. Eventually, I create 7 billion of copies of myself. 

Mind blowing right? That I am everybody, and everyone is created by me. I don't know about you but suddenly people don't seem so intimidating to me anymore. Happy first week of school! 

Playing Hard to Get

http://thoughtcatalog.com/tatiana-perez/2013/08/the-science-of-playing-hard-to-get/

An easy read on playing hard to get.

Reminds me of a quote from the book "Our Tragic Universe" by Scarlette Thomas: “I realized that when someone plays hard to get, they are making themselves into a character in a story, and they chose the story that leads to the outcome they want. If a woman puts a dragon between herself and the hero, it becomes an obstacle to be overcome. If she goes and knocks on his door and says ‘fancy a bunk up?’ she becomes a slut: basically a conquest with no obstacles and therefore no value. It was like people wanted to put everything in a story because otherwise it wouldn’t make any sense” (278).

Let's Talk a Little About Psychoanalysis

Everyone has a movie that they can't get tired of watching. I have two of them on my list: Pulp Fiction and Like Crazy. The latter is less known and, if you know the story, you'd probably find it underwhelming: a couple striving to maintain a long distance relationship.

Despite the exquisite cinematography and the radiant chemistry between the actors which transcends a lack of dialogues, what I love about the movie is the piercingly heartbreaking ending displayed in an extremely minimalistic, subtle way: the couple finally reunited, found themselves in the shower together, and after replaying in their heads a mosaic of memories from their past, they looked at the person in front of their eyes, loosened the embrace, and the girl walked away.

It is an unexpected ending to some, knowing that the couple has endured longings for each other for years to finally be united. However, among the people I've talked to, those who have experienced long distance relationships seem to relate to the decision made by Anna and Jacob, the characters in the movie. One conversation I had with a friend who had studied Jung's psychoanalytic theory shined a light on why relationships, especially the long distance ones, don't work out the way we expect them to.

Some background: archetypes, according to Jung, are structural components of our psyches. One of the four components, anima/animus, is the feminine portion of a male's personality, or the masculine portion of a female's personality. Men and women tend to repress their anima/animus, and instead these split-off qualities form a complex that tends to be reflected on others. In other words, men and women see a part of themselves on others that they themselves have repressed, if they do see these lost qualities on another person, they tend to be attracted to him or her because this person makes them feel a sense of wholeness.

In the movie, Anna and Jacob have gone through long periods of time without seeing each other. What maintains their relationship is their perceived images about one another, with Anna becoming the object of projection of Jacob's desired qualities that he himself had lost, and vice versa. So eventually when they meet again, the reality unmasked and they see that the other is no longer the person who lives in their imagination.

Credits to: Justin Haver

Piece about the Cinematographic History of Kissing

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/14/magazine/a-brief-history-of-kissing-in-movies.html?_r=0

I found any articles exploring the history of mundane trivial details in everyday life extremely interesting. Because these everyday happenings, although not as spectacular as historical events, are deeply rooted, they reflect the fundamental features of a particular period of time.

I've learned a little about the history of movies and cinema in my media class: The first cinemas in the United States are called nickelodeons--movie theatres that cost a nickel. They are scattered around commercial streets where working class people are active. The 15-20 minute programs consisted of even shorter movie clips were extremely popular because they were silent, catering to different language speakers including immigrants. They also provided a less crammed, more comfortable and relaxing environment from the difficult working and living conditions of the day. Reflecting to the parallel history of kissing on screen discussed in the article, the public setting, the length requirement, and the audience of the films are all contributors to the comic feature of the first kissing scene.

Movie industries then went through an extension to more affluent, middle class audience. Thomas Edison's motion picture patent company The Trust, which more or less had a monopoly in the industry started to favor exhibitors in middle class neighborhoods. This means that the movies themselves would represent a middle class culture.

Along came the age of television starting from the 1940s. As more people started to watch TV, movie attendances fell. Post-war population's migration to the sub-urbs had also reduced cinema developments. Movie makers started to strategize for higher attendance level by providing what TV can't offer: for example, sex and violence--it is apparent in O'Hara's poem that movie was a source for "darker joys", which he implies was unattainable in ordinary households.

I believe that in the past as much as today, love is an inspiring, universal theme, thus explained the sometimes cliched, yet inexhaustible use of lip-mushing scenes on every big screen.

Love's Metaphors

Anthropologists George Lakoff and Mark Johnson suggest that our thought patterns occur along the lines of certain conceptual systems. Sometimes these lines are not very obvious, and one way to figure out what they are, according to Lakoff and Johnson, is to look at languages, since talking and communicating is basically thinking. What they found through studying our use of languages is that, a lot of our concepts, displayed in our colloquial speech and written texts, are metaphorical. They are not just talking about the metaphors that we use consciously and purposely. They are talking about the ones that we don't notice. For example, some of the most common phrases we use when we talk about love are: I fall in love with him; I'm in for the long haul, I'm crazy about her. When we say these sentences, we don't think about the metaphorical feature they contain. But implicit as they are, these are the exact concepts that construct the way we perceive the subject matter of our speeches.

Let's look at the first phrase: I fall in love with him. The image of falling insinuates an involuntary characteristic of love. It happens accidentally, when least expected, like a hole in the ground. The direction in the act of "falling" also gives love a somewhat negative tenor.

The second example: I'm in for the long haul. Depicts love as a journey. There are some planning involved prior to the departure for a journey, but mostly the journey is unpredictable, and participants have little control over what is to come. This metaphor suggests a sense of passivity, and challenge since the journey is "long".

The message of the last metaphor: I'm crazy about her, is more obvious than the previous two. It not only implies that the people who chooses to engage in love made the decision without sense, but also suggests that the act itself is irrational.

Of course there are many ways to interpret a particular metaphor, there is no right or wrong way. What matters, according to Lakoff and Johnson, is how we act upon the basis of whatever inferences the metaphor suggests to us. Each person acts a different way because they interpret the reality through metaphors in a different way, therefore the reality is relative.

Bear in mind that this is just one of the social science theories about human understandings of the world, it is impossible to prove and hence not proven that our conceptual vehicles actually functions along the lines of metaphors. See the metaphor I just made there?



Source: http://pages.vassar.edu/theories-of-the-novel/files/2013/04/Metaphors-We-Live-By.pdf

Soul Mates v.s. Everlasting Love

An interesting article from nytimes that discusses the discrepancy between the idea of a "perfect match" and that of a lasting relationship.

The cliche of loving someone for who they are holds a great deal of truth in that love is organic, it demands more of us than simply to possess it, it requires cultivation and investment, acceptance and sacrifice. It's a working progress instead of a static condition, therefore if we don't put in the effort to maintain its wellbeing, it decays. The beauty of thinking of love as a journey is that we don't wait around to be struck by an unlikely serendipity, we take the power in our own hands, we prepare for and adjust to every rise and fall, and we feel deserving of it--now that reminds me of Alicia Key's song "un-thinkable". Below are the lyrics. Enjoy!

Moment of honesty
Someone's gotta take the lead tonight
Who's it gonna be?
I'm gonna sit right here
And tell you all that comes to me
If you have something to say
You should say it right now
(Drake: You should say it right now)

You ready?

Bridge:

You give me a feeling that I never felt before
And I deserve it, I think I deserve it
(Drake: I deserve it, I think it deserve it..Let it go)
It's becoming something that's impossible to ignore
And I can't take it
(Drake: I can't take it)

Chorus-Alicia & Drake:

I was wondering maybe
Could I make you my baby
If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy
If you ask me I'm ready
(Echo: I'm ready, I'm ready)
If you ask me I'm ready
(Echo: I'm ready, I'm ready)

Verse 2:
I know you once said to me
"This is exactly how it should feel when it's meant to be"
Time is only wasting so why wait for eventually?
If we gon' do something 'bout it
We should do it right now
(Drake: We should do it right now)

Bay, uh

Bridge:

You give me a feeling that I never felt before
And I deserve it, I know I deserve it
(Drake: I deserve it, I know I deserve it. Let it go)
Its becoming something that's impossible to ignore
It's what we make it
(Drake: It's what we make it)

Chorus-Alicia & Drake:

I was wondering maybe
Could I make you my baby
If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy
Or would it be so beautiful either way I'm sayin'
If you ask me I'm ready
(Echo: I'm ready I'm ready)
If you ask me I'm ready
(Echo: I'm ready)

Yeah, sing...

Hook:

Why give up before we try
Feel the lows before the highs
Clip our wings before we fly away
I can't say I came prepared
I'm suspended in the air
Won't you come be in the sky with me

Chorus-Alicia & Drake:

I was wondering maybe
Could I make you my baby
If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy
Or would it be so beautiful either way I'm sayin'
If you ask me I'm ready
(Echo: I'm ready, I'm ready)
If you ask me I'm ready
(Echo: I'm ready, I'm ready)
If you ask me I'm ready
(Echo: I'm ready, I'm ready)
If you ask me I'm ready
(Echo: I'm ready, I'm ready)

From: Metrolyrics.com