Don't let me don't let me don't let me be lonely

Quote 1: "Succeed, after all, loves an audience, but failure can't exist without one." 

My failure became an undeniable fact as a pair of tender eyes turns into the the kind of indifference you see on a gray screen TV, as they witnessed my downfall. He is cool, he is detached, emotionless and he balances the paradoxical relationship between "I don't care" and "But I care to see you FUCK UP".  I am the opposite of cool. I failed to detach, from anything. I failed to not take things personally. I failed to fracture, to alienate, to sprout my own unusual idea. I failed to speak a sentence without starting it with "I am", which is the key phrase of the hegemonic capitalist literature. I dissolve into the cliche universality of deleting phone number, burning photographs, unsubscribe from YouTube channel yet still stalk the cool one on Facebook. 

Quote 2: 

"Define Loneliness? 

Yes. 

It's what we can't do for each other.

What do we mean to each other? 

What does a life mean? 

Why are we here if not for each other?" -- "Don't Let Me Be Lonely" Claudia Rankine

It's what we can't do for each other. It's different from alone. It's not being without company. It's being among a lot of people but still lonely, because there is someone we can't do anything for, can't do anything about. Can't understand if we try. Can't wish to understand. Can't "be here" for anymore. Why are we here if not for each other? We won't "be" here if not for the other. What if we can't be here for the other anymore? That means to them we won't "be" anymore, to them we're the equivalent to dead. We will be lonely. Lonely is inevitable, like death. Lonely is is part of life, like death. We will be lonely. Don't let me be lonely. I hope you won't let me be lonely. Hope is also inevitable. I hope by simply living. I live for the hope that we won't be lonely. 

Quote 3: "[Forgiveness] is simply a death, a dying down in the heart, the position of the already dead. It is in the end the living through, the understanding that this has happened, is happening, happens. Period. It is a feeling of nothingness that cannot be communicated to another; an absence, a bottomless vacancy held by the living, beyond all that is hated or loved."

Leave the space blank and come into terms with a vacancy left permanently unfilled. Erase, do not refill. Pray, do not beg. Express, do not explain. 

Hello After a Month's Hiatus

I did the blog as a project of a class I took last semester. I thought I'd drop it once I hand it in, but a friend told me that she was very intrigued by what I wrote. So I thought even there is one other person out there who takes pleasure reading my blog, it gives me a reason to continue with it. 

The other day a friend introduced me to quantum physics which invoked some very interesting thoughts. I couldn't grasp everything he said but I'm going to try my best to explain: if "I" am in a quantum state--I'm moving extremely fast, that is, faster than the speed of light-- and observing "you", I might not be seeing "you" as how "you" really are. What I'm looking at is an afterimage, due to the amount of time that light takes to reach my eyes. Every time I stop moving--that is, moving slower than the speed of light, it takes the light a different amount of time to catch up, therefore different afterimages are created. Eventually, I create 7 billion of copies of myself. 

Mind blowing right? That I am everybody, and everyone is created by me. I don't know about you but suddenly people don't seem so intimidating to me anymore. Happy first week of school!